I have felt a little out of sorts for the last several months. Nothing big, mind you; just a little off. I didn’t even notice it until last night, really. Linus used to freak out Charlie Brown every now and then by reminding him about his tongue. Old Chuck would get all squirmy thinking about his tongue and where it was in his mouth and how he could feel it in there. They called it, “being aware of your tongue” and I always liked that phrase as a way of describing when things just seem a little out of alignment.
A n y w a y … Here’s what it was: I had stopped using Infusium 23 Leave-In Treatment! Okay, I know it sounds silly, but it’s true. This stuff … well … it’s kind of like shampoo, but it’s not. It’s not really gel or mousse … oh now I know you’re gonna think this makes no sense. Trust me anyway. My buddy Jorge got me to start using this stuff when we lived together during college. The thing is that it just makes your hair feel good. Seriously. Buy some and you’ll see. On my way back from the gym last night I went to Publix to buy some beer and a sub and I happened to walk down the drug aisle and see the Infusium. So now I have Infusium in my hair again and, believe it or not, the whole world seems like a better place. I am no longer aware of my tongue.
Except, of course, that I am aware of my tongue – more so now then ever before. I went to the dentist today and during a mind-numbingly painful hour of dentistry (me: “Are you sure I shouldn’t have some anesthetic?”) Dr. Yocasta Pandora filled a little crevice between my gum and tooth that had been, until today, unbeknownst to me, a favorite exploring place for my now-lost tongue. Since I got back from the dentist I have been shocked literally dozens of times when my tongue has snaked over the end of my twelfth tooth (according to Yocasta) and around to the gum only to find that the little ridge was missing, filled in by tooth-bondo. Here I have spent I-don’t-know how long sticking my tongue into this little dent in my tooth and now it’s been taken away and my tongue is panicking. I am aware of my tongue, just when I was finally getting back to being at ease with my hair …