I am sad to report that the ‘new’ Planet of the Apes is possibly one of the top five worst movies I’ve ever seen.

The audience was phenomenal.

The special effects were mind-blowing. The acting was honestly ‘not that bad’. The audience was phenomenal. The theater sound system and projection was state-of-the-art. The trailers were enthralling. The costumes were neat-o. The token, gorgeous, scantily-clad, buxom blonde was token, gorgeous, scantily-clad, buxom, and blonde.

The plot and the writing … well … the plot and the writing were … well … they stunk in a manner very, very similar to how I expect ape feces would if you hurled a few chunks of it at a movie screen.