Go Quahogs! (Part II)

from extendedabstract.com’s rejected letter to the editor of the UMass Daily Collegian

We can immediately think of some great chants for athletic events like “Go Hogs, Go Hogs, Go Hogs.” We could even use our arms while we chant to simulate the closing of the clam shell – much like the Florida Gators do. And finally you could do great graphics with an animated clam with big googly eyes and a mean face. Everyone would proudly wear sweatshirts with a simple “Q” on the front with the attitude that if you have to ask, you wouldn’t understand.

The Fighting Quahogs would be the talk of the sports world.

But regardless of all this, if you are honest, you just know that the arrival of the Gray Wolves on campus would be greeted with a resounding yawn. It might as well be a husky. You wouldn’t tell your friends, you wouldn’t buy the shirt or hat or banner. You wouldn’t go and howl at the basketball game. Jim Rome wouldn’t even talk about it on the radio. But the Quahogs, or Fighting Quahogs, or Killer Quahogs you know would be the talk of the sports world, random people would want our merchandise, and you would enthusiastically cheer on our teams with “CO-HOGS, CO-HOGS.” You would even go to the concession and buy a clam roll. It’s the total package.

NOV 13 2020 UPDATE: Several people have contacted me in the decade and a half since I posted this. Most assume that I wrote the letter or that I was a student at UMass. (I did not write the letter and I went to the University of Florida.) Almost all ask me if I can provide the original essay because extendedabstract.com — where it was originally published — has long since disappeared. I was able to find a copy of the original on the Internet Archive’s Wayback Machine and am posting it here to save you a trip.

Lonce Sandy-Bailey Submitted, but rejected, for publication in the Daily Collegian. 5/5/03

Lonce wrote this wonderful letter to the editor that was submitted, but rejected by the University of Massachusetts Daily Collegian (a glorious bastion of professional journalism).

UMASS QUAHOGS!!

It’s time to weigh in on the possible change to the UMass mascot. Students and members of the University community have been left out of the decision making long enough and its time to let our feelings known. Here is my nomination.

The UMass Quahogs. For those of you from the Bay State you pronounce it CO-hogs and if you are from Rhode Island pronounce it KWAH-hogs. If you are from anywhere else, just call them clams.

While you think about it let me tell you why we should be the UMass Quahogs.

Although I don’t have a problem with replacing the Minuteman, replacing it with the Gray Wolves is an idea that is dead on arrival. It lacks imagination, marketability, originality, and relevance. No one on campus would have any attachment to it or even any kind of emotional reaction. Just say it slowly … Gray Wolves. You probably just fell asleep.

Changing mascots for marketability is not a new phenomena. One example of this can be found in the various minor league baseball teams around the country. Many of them have gone through recent name and mascot changes to improve their marketing, spiff up their team, and add a touch of originality or humor to their identity. You can’t help but love a team called the Mudcats, or Aquasox, or the Isotopes, or Muckdogs, or even the 51’s (as in “Area 51” – their mascot is a little bug-eyed, gender neutral, alien). People who don’t even know where these teams play buy their merchandise – because it’s unique, cool, and funny. I own several minor league hats that are for teams that I have never seen play. If you were visiting our campus from New Jersey would you buy a Gray Wolves t-shirt? No. But I bet you would bring a “Mass Quahogs” shirt home and bring one back for your friend too.

And the Quahog itself meets many of the criteria for selection. Here is a partial list:

• It is native to our state (and still here unlike the Gray Wolves)
• It is gender neutral (does it even have a gender?)
• It is unique, remarkable, and memorable
• It is strong and resilient – I might even say stubborn
• They will still be around in 100 years
• They taste good (just try a Howard Johnson’s clam roll).

Additionally, we can immediately think of some great chants for athletic events like “Go Hogs, Go Hogs, Go Hogs.” We could even use our arms while we chant to simulate the closing of the clam shell – much like the Florida Gators do. And finally you could do great graphics with an animated clam with big googly eyes and a mean face. Everyone would proudly wear sweatshirts with a simple “Q” on the front with the attitude that if you have to ask, you wouldn’t understand.

But regardless of all this, if you are honest, you just know that the arrival of the Gray Wolves on campus would be greeted with a resounding yawn. It might as well be a husky. You wouldn’t tell your friends, you wouldn’t buy the shirt or hat or banner. You wouldn’t go and howl at the basketball game. Jim Rome wouldn’t even talk about it on the radio. But the Quahogs, or Fighting Quahogs, or Killer Quahogs you know would be the talk of the sports world, random people would want our merchandise, and you would enthusiastically cheer on our teams with “CO-HOGS, CO-HOGS.” You would even go to the concession and buy a clam roll. It’s the total package.

And I should know. I survived and relished being a Condor (high school mascot) and am still proud to be an Anteater alumni (U.C. Irvine). And I guarantee you that you will tell your grandchildren some day about how cool it was to be from a school that had a Quahog for a mascot.

What can you do to make this a reality? Email Ian McCaw, the Athletic Director at and in the subject line just simply put QUAHOG!!!. Or simply tear out this article and send it to him through campus mail at 308 Mullins Center. Just throw it in an envelope and put it in any department’s on-campus mail box. But what ever you do, don’t let this Gray Wolves idea simply be given to you without your vote. Stand up for your university, stand up for UMass Quahogs, stand up for the future of your campus. GO HOGS!